E3 2017 HOT TAKE SPECIAL: NINTENDO SPOTLIGHT

Nintendo put on a presentation that lasted only 25 minute and yet managed to be one of the best shows of the entire year. Let’s get Donk to business.

If you want to watch it before reading all the HOT TAKES, you can do so here:

Here’s everything you need to know and how to feel about it.

  • This presentation began with an Arms match in a boxing gym, a Fast & Furious styled gang meeting to announce Rocket League for Switch, and an underground Splatoon 2 ring where if you get painted in the game, you get painted in real life.
  • This presentation continued with an apartment where Reggie appears from the shadows and starts presenting existential conundrums and proposing that they are all answered with Nintendo Switch. This is the kind of weird shit I come to Nintendo for.
  • Xenoblade Chronicles 2 got a new story trailer, and I would probably be interested in this and the waifu swords that come with it if I ever got around to playing the original and X despite owning both. This is a very me kind of problem.
  • After the Sony press conference, it was really nice to see just a whole bunch of “2017”, even if there were a few that won’t be out for a while.
  • I always smile whenever I see a new Kirby game, even if it’s not really my thing and I’m probably not going to play them. I’d like to imagine he’s one of the things the circle could be in The Hudsucker Proxy. You know, for kids!
  • I wonder how close to the presentation Nintendo put in the Pokémon section. It almost felt like a response to people complaining about Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon coming out on 3DS as, “There’s one coming next year. This is how we work. PLEASE CALM DOWN.”
  • I may be going against everything I’ve said and it may have only been a logo but HOLY SHIT METROID PRIME 4!!?!??!?!?!
  • Remember everything I said about Kirby earlier? Well, the same thing, but I might actually buy this new Yoshi game, especially depending on what’s releasing around it next year as I’m betting it will be early.
  • Fire Emblem Warriors showed off their first 6 characters and went into the ridiculous story. I see no Roy or Henry.
  • Aonuma came out to talk Zelda. He’s so cute. But I’m not sure the Zelda DLC really did anything to tell me why I should spend $20 on it.
  • Nintendo really didn’t need to spend so much time on Rabbids + Mario after yesterday, but I suppose they wanted to maintain a good relationship with Ubisoft. They didn’t even bother uploading the segment afterwords.
  • So why did they put this Rocket League announcement here if they showed that it would be on Switch earlier? Seems counterproductive. Also there seems like a lot of other games they could have put in this if they were going to include an indie game that’s been on every other platform already.
  • There’s so much shit going on in this Super Mario Odyssey trailer that I don’t know where to start. I’ve watched it multiple times and I still need to watch more to catch everything. IT’S SO DUMB AND I FUCKING LOVE IT.

BONUS ROUND:
Nintendo: We’re making a new Metroid Prime game.
Fans: OH MY GOD. WE’RE SO EXCITED! THIS IS ALL WE’VE EVER WANTED!
Nintendo: Oh cool.
Fans: Thanks! We are completely satisfied by this announcement.
Nintendo: Oh, by the way.
Fans: No.
Nintendo: We do have something else.
Fans: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.
Nintendo: Here’s a new 2D Metroid game as well.
Fans:

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